mavisHello, dear.

I…hello?  Who are you?

I’m Mavis, dear.

No…I mean…it’s nice to meet you, but who ARE you?  And why are you talking to me?

I’m a consultant, dear.

I have a consultant who’s a voice in my head.

Yes, dear.

Wow.  I’m more screwed up than I thought I was.  I mean, can multiple personality disorder be far behind?


And not only do I have a consultant voice in my head, I have a consultant voice in my head who sounds like an elderly librarian from the Midwest.

Shush.  Shush now.  Let me speak.

Yes ma’am.  Sorry, ma’am.

Very well.  First, I am not technically a voice IN your head as I am just visiting.

Um, okay.

I am here to help you get your thoughts in order.  Work out this whole writing thing.  Plot your trajectory, if you will.

Wait – you’re a CAREER consultant?

Yes, dear.

Huh.  Well, that explains a lot about my career.  Okay, so, what, you just decided to show up?

Not exactly.  Apparently you were overheard discussing some initiatives with the Blogosphere last Sunday and it was reported to the International Muse Council.

What?  The International–

The International Muse Council.  Since your performance thus far has been a trifle…substandard, the IMC is concerned you will make the writing profession appear foolish.  They feel you need some additional…assistance.

But my Muse–

Oh, piffle.  That young thing is too flighty by half.  Besides, she represents the creative side of things.  My role is to help with planning.


Yes, dear.  Planning.  I know you are rather unfamiliar with the concept, but if you want to go on we really must get a few things nailed down first.  Now, please take a seat.

Take a…Wait!  Where did the desk and chairs come from?  They weren’t here before.

Creative visualization.

And is that a Mac book Air? Where’s mine?  Do I get one too?

Only so much will fit in your brain, dear.  Now.  *Mavis sits behind desk in big leather chair*  *pulls papers from a massive briefcase and stacks them on desk* *boots up computer*  Let’s get started.

Hey!  I can see you!

See?  *Mavis smiles* You’re getting the hang of this whole creativity thing after all.  Baby steps, dear.   Baby steps.  But we really must get down to work. *shuffles papers*  First, we must discuss your blog.

Okay.  *Betsy perches tentatively on the edge of the chair on the other side of the desk*  I want to write the blog more regularly.

Uh hmmm.  Excellent.  And I understand you want writing the blog to be — *Mavis looks over her reading glasses* — fun.

Yes.  *Betsy leans forward eagerly*  I want it to be fun.

I see. *Mavis studies her*  And what exactly did you think you would write about?  What will you consider…fun?

*Betsy sinks back in her chair*  That’s a little bit of a problem.  See, I don’t really know anything exciting to write about, and I don’t really DO anything exciting except write.

Perhaps you could write about writing.

Yeah, but EVERYBODY does that.  *waves hands*  You can’t throw a rock in the blogosphere without hitting a hundred blogs talking about writing.

True.  *Mavis considers*  They are trying to establish their authority.  But you really don’t have any of that.

No.  I’m not even sure I want it.

Good for you, dear.  We should all recognize our limitations.


I suppose you could write about yourself and your problems.  After all, there are so many.

I’m sure I will in the future, but that sounds a little boring.


Does this blog HAVE to be fun?

Yes!  I do too much else that’s NOT fun.  The blogging has to be fun, or why bother?  I’m too old to slave at something I don’t like.

Well, yes.  You are getting a little long in the tooth.  Why don’t you tell me what you like to write.

Well, I like writing conversations like this.  Do you think that would be stupid if I did this kind of thing more often?  Then maybe it wouldn’t just me spouting off about my feelings and crap.  I could spout off about my feelings WITH somebody.

*Mavis purses her thin lips*

And maybe I wouldn’t be so…alone out here.  *Betsy looks away, feeling vulnerable*  Maybe then I’d figure out what I’m doing.

Hmmm.  *Mavis thinks for a moment*  *Nods her head as if reaching a decision*  *Begins to pack papers back into briefcase*  I believe that this situation calls for a different approach than the one I had originally intended.  If you’ll just wait there–

You’re leaving?  *Betsy sits upright*  Where are you going?  This post is already way too long!

Very well, we’ll have to continue this discussion Sunday.  *Mavis packs computer, desk and office chair into her briefcase*  She stares at Betsy until Betsy stands, then packs the visitor chair into her briefcase as well*  *Looks around with satisfaction*  Very good.  I always like to leave a brain neat and tidy.  *Turns back to  Betsy*  Now, dear, you go about your business and play with your Muse for a few days.  I’ll be back after I take care of a few things.

Do you…promise?

I promise.  *Mavis gives a thin smile, clicks her heels, and, clutching her big briefcase,  floats out of the post*

She’s not a librarian, she’s an old Mary Poppins.  *Betsy looks around cautiously* *Relaxes when she sees she is alone in her brain except for the Muse sleeping on a divan*

That was really weird.  I think I need some coffee.

And maybe a quaalude.

*Betsy shuffles out of the post*

–To be continued–


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