Blooming In Time

As I’ve matured, I’ve tried to learn to be gentler with myself. I’ve tried not to beat myself up for decisions that I’ve made or didn’t make. I’ve tried to accept that those decisions had consequences and those consequences have brought me to where I am today. Some days I’m better about that than others.

However, I still have a problem forgiving myself for how I’ve used my time. I seem to be so much slower to get off the mark than everyone else. I see people significantly younger than I am who know where they’re going and are working towards it. I see people like Stephen King or Nora Roberts who have so much to show for their years.

I see all of that, and I ask myself what I did with my time. Where did it go?

Well, I’ve worked hard and made my way the best I knew how. But for many years I also listened to other people. I listened to their hopes for me, the way they thought my life should go. I listened to what they thought I should be afraid of, and what direction they thought I should take. And because they were so certain, and I was so uncertain, I believed them.

And they were wrong. Because I have my own path. It’s just taken me half of my life to see it.

I hope that I’m getting to where I realize that’s okay too. Yes, some people see their path sooner. Some people see it later. But some people never see it. I’m one of the lucky ones.

So I’m trying to forgive myself for the time I feel I’ve wasted, because the time was not really wasted at all. I’m trying to forgive myself for turning away because other people thought I should. I’ve taken a lot of side journeys, but I’ve sure learned a lot on the way.

Most of all, I’m trying to forgive myself for being a little slower to bloom. I’m blooming in my own time. And the flowers that come a little later are just as beautiful.

I guess you can call me Aster. ๐Ÿ˜€

 

With daffodils mad footnotes for the spring,
And asters purple asterisks for autumn –

~Conrad Aiken, Preludes for Memnon, 1930

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Comments

  1. Beautifully said. Just remember that a late blooming flower has the taken time to put down stronger roots and grows all the more stronger for it, and last that much longer too.

    • Betsy Horvath says:

      @Kit Domino: Thank you, Kit! Sometimes I get a little frustrated with myself when I look back and wonder what in the world I’ve been doing. But I guess some people don’t even think about it, so I’m probably lucky. And I sure have learned a lot! LOL

  2. Keep on bloomin’, Astor.

  3. whoops can’t spell….lol

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