The Importance Of Believing

If you’ve read the last blog post, you know that Betsy was recently wracked with doubt, uncertainty and fear – helped along by the Dark Voice that whispers through her brain.  She did manage to vanquish her foe, but it was a near thing.

Now Harry, Betsy’s Guide on her Quest, and a white rabbit, has asked her to meet with him for some reason.  The last time we saw Harry he was suffering from his own challenges.  Whatever does he want now?  And will he and Betsy feed each other’s insecurities or help to overcome them?

Let’s see…

 

*Betsy enters Harry’s office* *Walks across meadow that has taken the place of the furniture that used to be there* *sits in the grass next to Harry’s burrow* *Picks up a blade of grass and twirls it in her fingers*

Hey, doll. *Harry hops out of burrow and settles beside her* *Leans back on his two paws and crosses his big feet in front of him*

Hi, Harry. *Betsy focuses on the grass* You wanted to see me?

Yeah, I wanded to check in wif you and see how you’re doin’

Wif?

Thupid teef. Thill getting used to fem. Wait. *Harry concentrates* Is this better?

*Betsy stares at him* Why can I hear you inside my head?

Technically we’re always inside your head.

Oh. Good point.

I’m just focusing my new rabbit mojo on you. Cool huh?

Aces. But why did you want to see me?

I wanted to check on you after that intense session you had last blog post with the Dark Voice.

Voices. I’m pretty sure there were more than one.

I think you’re right. Doubt, fear, and insecurity. The big three. *Harry shakes his head* They get me every time.

*Betsy frowns at him* That reminds me. How are you anyway?

*Harry shrugs* Better.

Yeah. Me too.

Good.

*Betsy looks at the blade of grass* *Spins it in her fingers* So, if you don’t mind me asking, where were you when the Dark Voice came? Aren’t you supposed to have my back at times like that? Doing the whole Guiding thing?

*Harry sighs* *Sits upright* Some things you’ve got to go through alone. You’ve got to make your own decisions. It was hard to watch, but it wouldn’t have been good for you if I interfered.

Oh. *Betsy shifts* *Throws away the blade of grass* Do you know why the Voice came back? Everything’s been going so well for the last couple of weeks.

*Harry shakes his rabbit ears* But that’s the way it works, right? It does for me, anyway. You’re trucking right along singing a happy tune, minding your own business, and bam! The doubts and fears and insecurities creep up on you and jump you. If you’re not careful, they can take you down like a pack of hyenas.

*Betsy looks away* That’s what happened.

*Harry moves closer* But then you were able to pull yourself back up.

Because I reminded myself that I have to believe.

You do. *Harry nods* Believing is actually the most important thing. You have to believe. If you don’t, who will?

*Betsy frowns* Well, you will.

Yeah, but who believes in me?

*Betsy’s frown deepens* I do.

And here I am. *Harry beams at her* 

*Betsy shakes her head* You confuse me.

The point is, you have to keep reminding yourself that it doesn’t matter what things look like now.  You ARE a writer. You ARE building the foundation for the future. You ARE doing the behind the scenes work that’s necessary.

*Betsy nods* And I have to believe that it’s possible. That this whole thing is possible. I guess that’s really what I have to have faith in – the possibility.

*Harry thumps a hind foot* Right. If you don’t believe it, if you doubt what you’re doing, if you think you’re stupid for doing it, then you’ll stop, and the Dark Voice will win, and you’ll end up watching television and eating inappropriately.

*Betsy crosses her legs and leans forward* Is that what you’re doing? Are you believing?

*Harry’s quiet for a minute* I’m trying. I’m trying to believe that I can be a good White Rabbit Guide, even when it doesn’t seem like it’s true.

*Betsy thinks* And I’m trying to believe that I can be a good writer, even when it seems like a total lie.

*Harry settles back on haunches* Exactly.

*Betsy frowns* It’s crazy, but I can actually feel a…a switch flip in my head when I start to doubt and second-guess myself. It’s almost like I’m walking through a door.

*Harry points a paw at her* That’s when you have to say, “You CAN do it. You ARE doing it. Nobody else may know you’re doing it, but you know.”

I say that, and I focus on believing again. I have to believe that this enterprise is valid and worthwhile. Then I walk back through the door again.  I keep thinking there’s a path and I’m on it. I might not see it now, but it’s there.

*Harry smacks Betsy on the shoulder* Babe, you and I are walking in the dark with a freaking flashlight. And we are believing that when the sun comes up, we’ll see that we’ve been on a road.

*Betsy nods* That’s right. We can’t see it now, but we will.

But the road…well, it’s your road. Nobody can see it for you. We’re only ever given our own road, you know? Other people may never know it’s there.

*Betsy thinks* So I have to ignore what’s going on around me and focus on believing in the road.

*Harry smacks her again* Absolutely right. *Studies her* So, you’re not gonna run?

*Betsy crosses her arms and scowls* No. I’m going to keep going and try not to doubt.

And when the doubt comes back no matter what you do?

Then I’m going to keep telling myself, “You can do this. You ARE doing this. Push forward in the darkness.”

*Harry nods and leans back* That’s what I’m going to do too. I guess that’s the most anybody can do.

 

To be continued

 

 

 

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  1. “Life can’t ever really defeat a writer who is in love with writing, for life itself is a writer’s lover … fascinating, cruel, lavish, warm, cold, treacherous, constant.” -Edna Ferber, “A Kind of Magic”

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