Starting to Wake Up Again

When we last left Betsy, she was actually moving forward in her Quest. She was medicated and motivated.

But then March happened, and everything changed.

Now things are quiet. But is this just a healing sleep? Or is it a sleep that will last for a lot longer? Will Betsy ever wake up again? The Muse has decided to take matters into her own hands.

Let’s see what’s going on…

The Muse walks through the meadow to the large, deep lake in the center of Betsy’s brain. The meadow is still green, but it doesn’t look quite as healthy as it had been a few months ago. The grass doesn’t seem to be as full or as lush, the bees are not as active, the birds are not singing. Even the lake seems to be a paler shade of blue.

Muse frowns at the scenery as she walks. Where she steps, she leaves rainbows and starlight, but they fade. At the edge of the lake, she finds Betsy sitting, arms wrapped around upraised knees staring out at the water.

What are you doing? *Muse settles down next to Betsy on the bank of the lake*

I think I’m asleep. *Betsy frowns* Yes, I’m pretty sure I’m asleep.

How long have you been asleep?

About six or seven weeks, I guess.

Hmmm. *Muse crosses her ankles under her long, filmy skirt and leans back on her hands* That’s a long time.

Yes. *Betsy puts her chin on her knees* My mother’s gone, you know.

I know. *The Muse strokes Betsy’s cheek*

And after I found her, I fell and broke my ankle in three places when I was trying to tell the neighbors.

Yes. I know that too.

And I ended up in the hospital and then in rehab for a couple of weeks.

You did.

And the rehab center was basically a nursing home.  It was just easier to go to sleep through all of that.

I imagine it was.

*Betsy stares out at the water*

*Muse shifts and turns to her* But you’re home now and everyone says you’re doing well. You were able to figure out how to get around the house and do what needs to be done.

*Betsy shrugs*

You have to start waking up sometime, you know.  You have to try.

Do I? It’s a lot easier to just binge-watch HGTV and worry about how I’ll be able to do the dishes.

Maybe. But is that what you want your life to be?

*Betsy scowls at Muse* Did you miss the part where I said my mother is gone and I broke my ankle pretty severely? It was such a bad break that the surgeon said he had to reattach my foot.

And those things need to be dealt with. You need to treat yourself gently both physically and emotionally. But there’s a difference between treating yourself gently and giving up.

I’m not giving up! I’m taking some time! It takes a lot of effort to do anything since I can’t put weight on my foot and it takes so much longer, and I’m working from home, and there’s a lot I need to do with Mom’s stuff, and—

It seems to me that you have a choice. You can sit around—

I HAVE to sit around!

*Muse looks at Betsy with patience* You can sit around and not even try to move again. You can sit around and not even try to pull yourself up. You can let all of the work you’ve done fall by the wayside and wake up a year or two or three or four from now and realize that you’ve thrown it all away. Is that what you want? 

*Betsy pulls at leaves of grass* No.

You can sit, and you can watch HGTV. Nobody will blame you for that. Or you can start waking up again. You need to take time. You deserve time. But you also need to start waking up.

Why?

Because you’re who you are supposed to be when you’re awake.

*Betsy shifts on her bum* If I wake up, I’ll have to find my stories again. I’m not sure I know what to say. One day my life was going one way, and now it’s not.

Not everything changed. *Muse pats Betsy’s hands* I’m still here.

Yes.

Other people you know are still here.

Yes.

You’re still here.

Am I?

Yes. You’re a little different now, but you’re still you. Your path took an unexpected twist, that’s all. It happens. Now you have to turn off the HGTV and wake up and start finding your path and the stories again. They’re still there and you can still find them.

*Betsy grips her knees* Maybe it will hurt when I wake up.

Maybe. Lots of good things do.

Maybe it’s too soon.

It might be. Then you’ll just rest a little longer.

Maybe I won’t be able to find the stories and get started again.

You’ll never know if you don’t try.

Yeah? Well, what if I don’t want to try?

*Muse gestures* Then lights begin to go out.

*Betsy chews bottom lip*  I don’t want lights to go out.

No.

*Betsy draws in a deep breath and turns to the Muse*

Okay. I’ll try.

*Muse smiles*

Good.

 

To be continued…

 

 

 

Share

Comments

  1. It’s so much easier to just plod along in the easy path than it is to try and forge a new path through the thicket of uncharted realms. But then, when you look back, what do you want to see that your life has been? Regrets happen mostly when you don’t even try so, trite though it sounds, it’s better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all.

  2. We’ve been through similar things recently. I’m so sorry about your mom. I’ll be sending positive vibes your way. Take care of yourself. If you need a commiseration buddy, just holler.

    • Betsy Horvath says:

      Hi, Angela –
      This really has been a rough patch for us, hasn’t it? Just overwhelming. I was so sorry to hear about your father. 🙁 It’s incredibly hard, isn’t it? I appreciate any positive thoughts, and I’ll be sending them right back to you. <3

Speak Your Mind

*

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.