All Hands On Deck

Enterprise-star-trek-the-original-series-4354803-1280-800Previously on Betsy’s Blog…

Betsy has made a decision.  I know, but it’s true!  She is going to publish her book and it will be out in eBook form on June 22nd!  It WILL goldarnit! 

As you may know, Betsy has a Guide on her Quest to become a successful independent author-entrepreneur. Although most seekers on a Quest have a White Hare or a White Stag to lead them on the path towards their goal, the International Muse Council has assigned Betsy a White Gerbil with ambition – Harry.  Harry wants to be promoted, and the IMC told him he might get moved up if he can keep Betsy on the straight and narrow.  (Good luck with that)

Other members of “Team Betsy” are:  her Muse, who has appeared as a Goth-girl, but seems to be taking on a lot of new dimensions recently; Skipper, a chipmunk who is one of the top Habit Implementation Specialists at the IMC (and really a little too chipper for her own good); Coffee, the beverage of champions; and the Blogosphere.  Well, the Blogosphere isn’t really on “Team Betsy,” but it shows up anyway. Sometimes.

Trying to pull Betsy down the path to destruction is the Dark Voice…but more about that later.

As we rejoin our adventure, Betsy has finally taken the first toddling steps towards a certain level of maturity.  But now Harry has summoned her back to her brain (and, yes, it should worry you that Betsy has to be summoned back to her own brain).  Isn’t everything settled?  Aren’t things moving along? What in the world could he want?

Let’s see….

 

*Betsy enters her brain* *brain lurches* *throws her against wall* *she clutches at frontal lobe to steady herself* *brain lurches again*

*siren sounds*

AAAHHHHOOOOOOOGGGAAAAAAHHH! AAAHHHOOOOOOOGGGAAAAAAHHH! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! AAAHHHOOOOOOOOOGGGAAAAAHHH!

*voice comes over loudspeaker system*

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ALL HANDS ON DECK. WE HAVE COMMITMENT. I REPEAT, WE HAVE COMMITMENT.

Harry? *Betsy pushes off frontal lobe* *is thrown down to floor as brain bucks* What the heck? What’s going on? And when in the world did I have a loudspeaker system installed in my brain? Or sirens?  *Betsy races down sulci as sirens continue to wail*

FULL COMMITMENT HAS BEEN REACHED. I REPEAT, FULL COMMITMENT.  ALL HANDS ON DECK!

*Betsy is thrown into a wall of gray matter* *recovers and starts running again* *slides around corner and falls into Harry’s office*

Finally! Get over here.

Harry? What are you doing? *Betsy stumbles forward as brain lurches to the side* And why is my brain bucking like this?

Why? Because you finally made a commitment! A full-mind commitment! Your brain is in shock.  There….it’s settling down now.

*brain lurches one last time, then shudders into stillness*

Whew!  *Betsy blows out a breath*  I was…wait. Where did that captain’s chair come from?

*Harry glares at her from his seat in an orange captain’s chair perched on top of his gerbil habitat* I ordered it from eBay. Got a problem with that?

How much did it…why are you wearing a Star Trek uniform? You look like Captain Kirk.

*Harry preens* That’s the whole idea. Our starship is finally leaving drydock. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for!  We are about to boldly go where no one has gone before!

*Betsy frowns* But plenty of other people have published books.

Then we’re about to go where YOU’VE never gone before. Shut up. *Harry swivels in his chair and looks at a laptop open on top of the coffee table in front of the sofa in his office* Do we have any contact, lieutenant?

Nothing yet, sir.

Excellent.

*Betsy moves closer to the coffee table*  *Sees Skipper sitting on the keyboard of the laptop* Skipper? Why are you here? And why are you in a Star Trek uniform, too?

Do you like it? *Skipper stands and twirls so the little uniform skirt swoops out* I went old school Star Trek rather than Next Gen or Deep Space 9.

Very Lieutenant Uhura.

*Skipper beams*

And you’re here because…?

*Harry leans forward in his captain’s chair and glares at Betsy* She’s here because she’s the best darned Habit Implementation Specialist at the IMC, and I don’t trust you. I’ve been waiting for over a year to get you to this point, and I’m not going to let you back out now.

*Betsy bites her lip* I’m not going to back out.  *eyes slide to the left*

Damn right you’re not! *Harry stands, turns, points at his tail* Do you see this?

*Betsy closes her eyes* Harry, I’m not sure the spandex is a good look for you.

Not my butt, doofus, my TAIL. Do you see it?

*Betsy opens one eye* *peeks* *opens both eyes* Hey! Your tail is little and puffy now. Not long and skinny.

Exactly. *Harry sits back down in his captain’s chair* And do you know what that means?

*Betsy thinks* No.

*Harry rolls his eyes* It MEANS that I’m heading towards Hare-hood. I’m taking a step up the Quest Guide hierarchy. I’m heading to be a White Hare instead of a White Gerbil! That’s what it means!

*Betsy frowns* Okay.

*Harry sighs* Look. Moving up to hare means a lot to me, just like writing means a lot to you. You are finally taking steps forward, and I’m not going to let you run away.

*Betsy’s frown deepens* I’m not going to run away. Didn’t you see my blog post? I put up a sale date and everything.

*Harry nods* Yes. More than that, I see what’s going on INSIDE you. I know that you’re serious. And that means we need to be prepared for attacks and evasive maneuvers.

I don’t understand. *Betsy walks to stand next to Harry’s gerbil habitat* I’ve made the decision. I’ve put myself out there. So everything’s good to go now, right?

*Harry snorts* So naïve.

Sir! The Dark Voice is on the starboard bow! *Skipper touches her earpiece as she listens* It’s trying to open hailing frequencies.

Don’t let it in! Damn it, where is the rest of my crew?

We’re here. We’re here. *The Muse strolls in, followed by Coffee and the Blogosphere*

*Coffee runs to the sofa and sits* I canna go any faster, Captain.  I’ve got no more power. *winks at Skipper* Well, hello my fine wee lassie.

I don’t even want to be here. *Blogosphere tugs at uniform collar with some of its hands* Do you know how hard it was finding enough Star Trek uniforms to fit me? I’m the Blogosphere, not a miracle worker, damn it.

You all look very nice. *Betsy studies them* *pouts* Why don’t I have a uniform?  I want one, too.

We have one for you. *Skipper points to a chair* Look! Your uniform is red, like mine.

*Betsy frowns* Um, thanks…?

To be continued….

guineapig

 

PS – yes, yes.  I know this is a guinea pig, but apparently nobody dresses up chipmunks in Star Trek uniforms anymore.  Cretins.

 

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