Betsy Builds A Snowman…er…Blog Post

hello, blogosphere
 
Blogosphere?

*silence*

Blogosphere,  I know you’re there.  *touches door closed in her face*

*crickets chirp*

I had a good excuse for not blogging this time.  I did.  It was a very rough winter.

*wind whistles through trees*

I honestly didn’t have the time to blog.

*echoes* blooog blooog blooog

Blogosphere?  I really miss you.  *places hand flat on door’s wooden planks* *sings* Do you want to build a blog post?

*door slams open*  Oh, no you didn’t!

Blogosphere!  There you are!

Tell me you didn’t just sing “do you want to build a blog post” in Kristen Bell’s voice to the tune of “Do You Want to Build A Snowman”, a well-loved song from the hit Disney movie Frozen, just so all of these keywords will be in this post and thus help your SEO and website discoverability!

Um, no.  Uh, of course not. *eyes slide to the left*

You did!  You totally did and now you’re PLAYING me.  

Okay, yes!  Yes, I am!  Facebook is jerking me around by not sharing my posts. Twitter moves too fast, Google Plus doesn’t like me, and Pinterest is only interested in recipes.  You’re all I have left, Blogosphere, the only place where I mean anything at all because I own a dear wee little bit of you.  I NEED to use you. I’m SUPPOSED to use you. It’s what everyone says to do. A domain….my own domain…all I have….left.

Oh, right.  So, tell me this then.  What are your plans this time around, huh?  I know how you roll now sister.  You’ve got nothing but a long trail of dreams and broken promises behind you.  You tell me you’ll make the commitment.  You tell me you’ll be here regularly.  Then I won’t hear from you for six months.  Do you know how your domain CRIED for you?  Do you know how it WEPT?

I’m sorry!  I’m really sorry!  I just had a lot of things coming down around me and I couldn’t–

And I’ll bet you’re thinking that your personal angst and drama broken by brief and pathetic attempts at humor are going to be enough to pique your audience’s interest and maintain their attention until you finally F*?!@%G get your book finished?

Um….yes?

Oh, for God’s….*heavy breathing*  Look.  If you’re serious about keeping things going this time–

I am!  I am!

–what do you want from it?  Huh?  What are you looking for?

I–

Don’t waste either of our times with excuses.  Don’t toy with your domain again!  While we’re here I could be off watching Miley Cyrus show her butt off while she twerks in a thong! Tell me what you want from this blog?

I…I…I’m supposed–

Forget supposed! Forget what everyone tells you what a blog is supposed to be. What do YOU really want? SPIT IT OUT!

I…I…I want it to be FUN!

Fun?

Yes!  Fun!  I want my writing to be fun!  I want my blogging to be fun!  Since nobody’s reading anyway–

Two people.

–I can do whatever I want to do, right?

It’s your hosting fee.

Then I want it to be FUN! *crosses arms*  Take that!

Hmmm.  Fun.

For me!  Fun for me.  It can be all angsty and honest and revealing and crap, but has to be fun too! It has to be fun to write.

Well–

It has to be lively! *points to blog header*  Do you SEE that?  Lively!  Zesty!  Zany!  Screwball! Because that’s ME, goddammit!  ME! ME! ME!

Okay, now you’re scaring me.

*scream-sings*  DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN…!!!!

Okay, okay.  Jesus, shut up.  I get it already.

Fun!  *fists clench*  *breath heaves*

Fine. Fun. Sounds good.

*blinks*  Really?

Sure.  If you think it’s fun, you might actually keep doing it.

Thank you.  *clears throat* *straightens t-shirt*

Not like I pay much attention anyway.

I’m just not sure how to make it…um…fun.

How the hell would I know that?  You’ve got enough voices in your head.  Talk to some of them.

Hmmm.  They ARE always talking to me anyway.  They might as well be useful.  *ponders*  Yes.  Yes, I think that’s a good idea.  I’ll talk to the Muse.  She’s been percolating.

Wonderful.  Are we done here?  I have to go comment on nudity in Game of Thrones.

Oh, yes.  Thank you, Blogosphere.  You’ve been very helpful.

Well, I am the repository of knowledge and cat videos for this generation.

*Blogosphere leaves the post*

I feel so…energized!  Oh! Oh, I have to go plan!  *sings*  Let it go…..let it go……

Betsy skips out of post.
 

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